Being A Mom Even When You Don’t Feel Good Enough
Being a mom is one of the best jobs you could ever have but it is also one of the most thankless. Motherhood is definitely not for the faint in heart. There have been countless times where I have wanted to throw in the towel because it all just felt too much to handle.
It’s those days where the children won’t listen, toys are all over the living room floor, there are 3 different arguments happening at the same time amongst the children and on top of all that you barely got any sleep the night before.
Don’t worry we’ve all been there. These are what we call “low days” and they are part and parcel of being a mom. They are essentially days where you feel as though you just can’t cope or that you are just not the supermom that people think that you are. Basically you just don’t feel good enough. I’m here to assure you its normal. It’s normal to sometimes feel inadequate as a mom.
What you have to remember is that we all have days like this. None of us are perfect. If I’m being honest I’m always amazed when people approach me and say “Are those all your children? You make motherhood look so easy” Little do they know that 5 minutes previously I was screaming at the top of my lungs for the children to behave and was ready to let out full flood works of tears. Being a mom is never going to be easy.
I’ve come to realise that children go though these varying phases where they like to test the boundaries to see if they can push them. It’s usually on these days where you can feel a little low. You have to remember its the child’s way of trying to find themselves in learning what is right and what is wrong.
Here are some really great ways to help you stay in love with being a mom.
1. Find time to be you
It’s really difficult at times to keep your identity once you have children. Your name changes from “X” to “mom”. It’s very important to get some time away and do something you love. Even if you can only manage this once a month its a great start and you will soon look forward to having those once a month “me times”.
Mothers are programmed in such a way that when we are with our children we feel we need a break but then when we do get the much-needed time away we miss the children. Ours hearts usually rule above our heads. Even in the midst of this conflict you must still take the break away. That little amount of time will work wonders for you and your childs relationship in the end.
2. Remember what you love about being a mom
Think back to when you were 8/9 months pregnant and all the things you couldn’t wait to share with your little one. Now is the time to share them. Your child is looking to you to show them the way in the world. What an awesome task!
You may have seen your day as a massive failure but children don’t see things like that. To them you are perfect so give yourself a break and a big pat on the back.
A LITTLE ABOUT MEHi, I’m Dela the face behind Natural Ghana Girl. I’m originally from the UK but now live in Ghana with my husband and 4 children. I’m on a journey to discover more about being a mummy to little people whilst retaining a life that makes me Dela. Lets learn together.
3. Stop watching those fake tv shows
You know the kind of shows im talking about. The ones where the children wake up in the morning and have perfectly brushed hair, spotless clothes and say good morning. Well I don’t know about you but for me this just doesn’t happen. Usually I have to bribe my children (ok well perhaps not bribe) to go and have a bath or put on clean clothes because we have to go out. Its normal!
These shows are completely misleading and I can tell you for a fact that most of the mothers you see in theses types of shows usually have nannies who take the bulk of the stress. It’s all for the camera.
4. Enjoy your motherhood journey
If you are a stay at home mother learn to love it. I know this sounds pretty basic but believe me if you have a positive mindset about being at home with your little people then you will grow to enjoy your time even more.
The most important thing to remember in this journey of being a mom is that it doesn’t last forever and your children being this age will soon fade away. Enjoy every moment.
I can’t remember one single time after a mothers children have left home they saying “well at least we had a tidy home” usually people say things like “enjoy the time because it doesn’t last very long” or “I wish I could do it all again”. Don’t set yourself up to live with regrets.
5. Include your children
If you have lots of chores to get on with at home try to include the children in the process as much as possible. I’ll admit this isn’t always easy but it works a treat if you can get it to work. There have been a number of times where I have needed to get the washing done or dinner prepared so I get the children to help in a fun way. Children love to help out (even if it’s not so helpful).
I usually say something like “I wish I knew someone who was really great at chopping carrots” All of a sudden all the children want to prove to me that they are the best carrot chopper in the whole world. You may need to do a bit of tidying up after the children but it will give you a few minutes break away from bickering and create a beautiful bonding moment for you all.
6. Choose to be happy
When you wake up in the mornings choose to be happy. Being happy is a choice not a feeling. Once you choose to be happy you will find that your whole day will go that same way. Have a positive mental attitude even when you find out that one of the children has drawn on your best bedding with a permanent marker.
I always say to people when feel they have too many problems that “there are people out there in the world right now who would love to have your problems.”
Right now as you weep because you have stepped on a piece of Lego for the millionth time even though you told the children only to play with it in their rooms. There is someone else weeping because their IVF treatment has failed again for the 5th time. Count your blessing one by one and choose to be happy it will change your whole perspective.
Cut yourself some slack, you are doing a great job at being a mom. No one is perfect. I have 4 little people and some days I don’t know how I cope especially when it has been a particularly rough day but then in the midst of these days there is usually a little moment that sticks out to me where I think wow im so blessed by these children. If you look hard enough you’ll see it in your home too.
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